Swingin' Dickless

Meet Swingin', today is his birthday.

Swingin' was a fake friendster profile I had created to mess with friends back in 2003. If you don't know about friendster it was basically the pre-cursor to MySpace back then. So Swingin' was created with a whole back dated story and photos to support his fake history in order to confuse the people I was messing with. I think I used him in secrecy for about 2 years and had a blast hearing my friends describe how this freak named Swingin' on friendster was fucking with them. One day it seemed everyone was leaving the friendster thing for MySpace and I was subsequently bored of logging in every day as well so I killed it. A few months later I told people and many were freaked out to find it was me on the other end the whole time.

Some of his Bio

About Me:
I am a 36 yr. old single parent of 3 girls who's youngest just left the nest at 18. I am an accomplished Dance Instructor as well as a Certified Yogi, and an Illustrator. I have attached a few "get to know ya" photos to show of my  art skills. The picture of me is before the surgery and now my hairlip is gone Baby!

Who I Want to Meet:
Manage A Twizzels my Nizzels, can we swing Baby?
You can call me Swingin, and then lift up your skirt - God made Swingin, and Swingin don't hurt.

I have friends and that's a fact Like Agnes,Agatha,Germaine, and Jacq.

High School yearbook picture, one of several fake pictures designed to corroborate his bullshit lies.
He liked to draw and here is one of those drawings he did.
This was his Tattoo, I think the freckled skin was more funny than the cheesy tiger tattoo.
Anyway I got this today in my inbox and thought what has my old friend Swingin' been doing?

The answer is nothing.

Swingin Dickless on Friendster

Hang Loose Sacramento

Ok, I know you might be saying "not another mash-up of the Phillips screaming hand" but this sketch was done several summers back when a few friends took a trip to Hawaii. Ricky and Curtis went on vacation together (thats cute right?) to visit another friend Chowbox. Anyhow on their trip they came up with this kind of retarded Hang Loose middle finger thing that they thought was hilarious. The whole trip was a booze soaked shaka-bird flipin' mess and when they came back it must have continued for at least a few more months. So one day at work this came pouring out of the old pencil but then was lost to one of my neatly organized piles of shit.

Just found it in a pile of stuff the other day and thought I might finnish this fucker, or just send it to the dead letter office.

RIP?

...deez nuts!

Blowfly

It is amazing what a little "Blow" and a costume can make you do. Clarence Reid A.K.A. Blow Fly, he's on iTunes if your curious.

BELLBOY!

Ace Face on his GS Scooter, what a puffer.
ACE was supposedly the toughest MOD in town right? Until Jimmy sees him at his day job BELLBOY, fucking bellboy in a little suit and cap. So completely wired out of his mind on BLUES stolen from a pharmacy days before Jimmy steels ACE's scooter, rides to the costal cliffs and jumps it over the edge to the rocks below.

Jimmy and palls rally together for a weekend of pill popping, drinking, and smashing the place.
Quadrophenia - rent it, watch it, Again!

Que Dice no Fumar?

Translation
A grass you can smoke!

Apolo 69

Chucha La Loca (Chucha the crazy person) this is one of many albums by Chucha.

They don't get much better than this pseudo space sex scenario.

Lude Behavior for Tank Theory

Police Brutality designed for Tank Theory.

Police brutality is a term used to describe the excessive use of physical force, assault, verbal attacks, and threats by police officers and other law enforcement officers.

Does this look like excessive physical force to you?

Comrade designed for Tank Theory.

Comrade is a term meaning "friend," "colleague," or "ally."

But wait, when you turn your back is she still your ally?

Hmmmmmm, maybe not.

ARTIFACTS

The now-defunked TOYROOM partners hit the road January 1st. and we say good riddance.

My store now has a new name ARTIFACTS and a even brighter future. Our plans include a complete re-design of the spot next door. Designed by Sage Architects, my two partners and myself this will be the coolest shop in town no doubt. We will be having a grand opening Spring 08 and the list of party contributers is rumored to include VICE, Montana Hardcore, 55DSL, and a few surprises. The event will also host an exhibition of original works from Tank Theory contributers spanning the globe.

Carrying on in a similar matter while our new space is being built.

Levi's are in and the place is crawling with other new stuff too.

Jeremy Fish original works.
Doze Green original works.

Mr. Muscle

"Score Big Profits" they don't make 'em like this anymore.

TRACKER TRUCKS

Remember the INDI shirt, "All other trucks suck"?

Tracker should have made one like this.

Satan Is Real

Ira and Charlie Louvin, circa 1960.

Couldn't get the damn song uploaded, but email me and I'll send it to you...

Let the Good Times roll.

GOODTIMES wooden tunnel of DEATH, complete with skylight.
14 feet tall, quick as fuck, and no mercy.

Bow down to the blood wizard!

Thrill Seeker

Now is the time to experience something new, with friends.

Nowheres Erotica

Chuck Norris never made it far in the music business. Think it might have been the shorts?
On a side note, never trust a fart when you are taking penicillin.
It's the shits!

Bad Monkey

Bad monkey! Go to your room urine trouble.

Slimeball Fizz

S.S.D. Recipe
13 prime party butts
2 owl pellets
1 toad frog (fresh)
1 wad ABC gum (bubble)
1 petro goober pod
62 spewage phlegm (gnarly)
1 arachnid
1/2" hairball
Add Meeksterbrau.
Mix well with Slimeball 97A.
Let dribble into crockpot.

Standard Sacto recipe, yours may vary depending on location and availability.
Ricky Winsor was not harmed in the making of this add.

Lude Behavior for Spitfire

Designed for the DLXSF brand Spitfire Wheels.
Ductape tee done in metallic photo print with textured effect.
www.dlxsf.com

Tied Stick?

Cheech-
I been smoking since I was born, man. I can smoke anything, man. I smoke that Michoacan, man, Acapulco Gold, man. I even smoke that tied stick, you know?

Chong-
Tied Stick?

Cheech-
You know that stuff thats tied to a stick.

Chong-
Oha, Tie Stick!

Da na na na na na BATMAN!

Translation...
you are either into Batman or into that saggy backside.
Take a look at Batman's face, he's stoned out of his mind.

ODB's Daddy

Richard is Funky, Willie is Nasty, but who's the cat in the middle?
Thats Ol' Dirty Bastards Daddy.

Junior Parker

Was this Junior Parkers idea?
Don't ask me.

NEKRomantik

NEKRomantik is a 1987 German horror film directed by Jörg Buttgereit. This controversial movie is banned in a number of countries due to its transgressive subject matter (necrophilia).
The story is about Robert "Rob" Schmadtke and his girlfriend Betty who share the same interest: corpses. Rob works in Joe’s Street-Cleaning Agency, which removes dead bodies from the street. This job gives Rob the chance to bring the corpses to his home where he and his girlfriend have sex with them. Not everything goes well and Rob is fired from his job and rejected by his girlfriend; things go downhill from there. Kind if like Eating Raoul but without the "Eating"...
Betty's a Manson fan, of course.
The film has spawned a sequel, Nekromantik 2, by the same director.
Tagline for Nekromantik 2: The return of the loving dead!
Find more "Dirt" on YouTube, orriginal trailer available.

River's Edge

As well as being a great film about stoned teenage hoodlums many of the river scenes were filmed in my home town. Basically a guy named John murders his girlfriend by the river and his friend Lane sets out to keep him from being caught. Along the way there are many crazy obstacles for Lane to conquer in his blind pursuit of saving his pal. Feck a local weed dealer who lives with his female partner (a blow up doll) eventually takes it upon himself to deliver justice in the end.

"What do you know about Feck?"
Directed by Tim Hunter - also known for Over the Edge

German lobby card.

Gonzo

Hunter S. Thompson 

Fear and Loathing Still Life, circa 1970s

Hunter S. Thompson

Nixon Mask, circa 1970s

Hunter S. Thompson

Fishing with Guns, circa 1960s

Hunter S. Thompson

Hell's Angels, Traffic Stop, California, circa 1960s

Hunter S. Thompson

Self Portrait, In White Whale, Las Vegas, circa 1970s

  

"A drunk person can learn to cope with things like seeing their dead grandmother crawling up their leg with a knife in her teeth, but nobody should be asked to handle this trip."

"Bazooko's circus is what the whole hep world would be doing saturday night if the Nazis had won the war. This was the 6th Reich!"

  

-H.S.T.  on ether in a vegas caisson.

A King and His Bike

When you are as big as Elvis you need three wheels.
Born January 8, 1935 - Tupelo, Mississippi.
Today he is 73 and living in South Dakota.

Mein Hound

Quit begging!
You know I am not sharing my last spliff with you bitch.